Finality

Finality...I hate that word. It brings such bad uneasy feelings inside of me that I want to run and hide. Well that dreadful word caught up to me this morning as I was going through Jakob's closet. I went through Kai's closet yesterday with no emotion what so ever and did it quite quickly. Jakob's closet is a totally different story. I decided that it was time to finally get rid of the baby stuff such as towels, wash cloths, blankets, and burp cloths. Everything was going fine until I came across his preemie clothes. Looking at them and at how tiny my baby was literally brought me to tears. Why you ask? It reminded me of how grateful I am for this little miracle that God gave to me but at the same time made me VERY sad knowing that even with this incredible gift, God also took away my ability to have anymore children. It just brought about a sense of finality knowing that I will never feel another baby squirming in my tummy, never smell a newborn baby in my arms, and never again have the privilege of raising another one of God's children. Finality...I really HATE that word.