Born To Be A Mom? Not Me...

On Sunday a woman at church bore her testimony on how she just knows that she was placed on this Earth to be a mom? How does she know? I look around at other women in my life and have such admiration for their mothering abilities. These women just "get it". Things like patience, love, respect, understanding, cooking meals, cleaning house, and spending quality along with quantity time with their children just seems to come natural to them. Then I log onto Facebook and some of these women have posted status updates and pictures that just validates my opinion of them which in turn makes me feel inadequate. Sure I know how to clean and cook but the other stuff I struggle daily with. I may spend quantity time with my children but it surely isn't quality time. To be honest, prior to meeting and falling in love with Mark I NEVER wanted to get married or have children. Part of me thinks that because of those feelings I am lacking in the other qualities that these super moms have. I would just as rather let my children plug into electronics all day so I can do my school work then play games and do crafts with them. Sometimes I don't feel like cleaning or cooking so we eat McDonalds. I have learned that closed doors cover up messes that others can not see. Most days I am ready to blow my lid at things that my children have done or said. Obviously I have much to work on. However, at the end of the day when I am saying my prayers I thank God for my children and the role that I have as their mother. I do not think that I was born to be a mother. However, I am a mother and I have struggles in my life that other mothers don't. I work hard everyday on trying to improve myself and I honestly do the best I can. So this is my testimony on motherhood: I love my children and know that they were brought into my life for different reasons. I believe Kai, as my first born, was given to me as a special gift to show me how special it is to be a mother. She is such a sweet spirit that would walk through glass to help anyone in need. Kai is also very tender hearted in that she takes things very personally which gives her a great vulnerability. I believe Jakob was placed in my life to strengthen my patience. He comes with some special needs that test my patience daily. Jakob is very blunt with his feelings just like his mother. He is teaching me that I need to let down some walls and let people into our life. Motherhood is a special gift given to women. To me the bond and love between a woman and her children is as close to the love that our Savior has for all of us. Just like the Savior died for us, mothers would lay down their lives for their children. There is an undying love, forgiveness, and respect that is unspoken between a mother and her children. I may not have been born to be mother but I am glad that our Heavenly Father has given me the humbling opportunity to be one.